I think we all know why.
Monday
Wednesday
Online newspaper editors will lay off the nog
Yes, I know yesterday was Christmas, and today is Boxing Day, and between the mince pies and sherry and the hourly renditions of "Merry Xmas Everybody" (you know, this one), it's hard to know for sure: was the headline's painful apostrophe in the copy you gave to the designer, or did he throw it in there without thinking?
And why didn't anyone check the finished graphic?
Copyeditor General's ruling: It may not be culinary, but it's certainly one of the year's lowlights, Guardian Unlimited.
And why didn't anyone check the finished graphic?
Copyeditor General's ruling: It may not be culinary, but it's certainly one of the year's lowlights, Guardian Unlimited.
Monday
Small birds will be monogamous
I don't know what disturbs me most about this caption: the fact that these three bluebirds have been shacking up for the last two decades, or the fact that this report of avian immorality comes from the BBC News website ...
Copyeditor General's ruling: Hey, BBC online editor! Your participle is dangling!
Copyeditor General's ruling: Hey, BBC online editor! Your participle is dangling!
Thursday
Your Christmas gift will not be returnable
Copyeditor General knows what to give you for Christmas (or equivalent). Even though America would probably love Guitar Hero, there are many practical items that the country could really use. Think of them as the grammatical equivalent of tube socks.
To prevent paradigm shifts
Business jargon has slithered its way into everyday language. But new and frightening examples are always being spawned, as this business jargon dictionary demonstrates (facipulate, anyone?).
People who use such words to appear smart (it doesn't work) are getting a business jargon protest gift. Because they need a daily reminder that "our alliance stands alone in demonstrating the extensivity of integrated partnerships with other collaboratives" is meaningless.
To save the future from illiteracy
Between Teletubbies and text-messaging, the Kids of Today are surrounded by painful examples of language use. So Santa CG is bringing them How to Speak Politely and Why, the updated version of Munro
Leaf's 1934 Grammar Can Be Fun. It isn't just for Lil' William Safire, but for any kidlet who stands a chance of learning to regard "ain't" and "gimme" with disdain.
The advice is offered gently and charmingly, and the illustrations are in that great '30s pen-and-ink style. Plus, Leaf was the author of Ferdinand, the story of the bull who preferred to sniff flowers than fight. So getting the kids to enjoy Leaf might lead to world peace. Oh, come on, it's Christmas. I can dream.
To show solidarity with other word nerds
They snort when TV talking-heads say mediums instead of media. They redline typos on menus. They reply to your email with the victorious observation that (dammit!) you misspelled a wor
d ("What, exactly, is proofimg?").
They need something that weaves their derision, precision and Schadenfreude into a soft cotton garment, like this "Urge to Edit" shirt with Arthur Evans's (marked-up) quote: "Nothing, not love, not greed, not passion or hatred, is stronger than a writer's need to change another writer's copy."
To reduce confusion on the cheap
The Plain English Campaign's mission is to eradicate gobbledygook, jargon and misleading language, especially in content created for the general public (example: a sign at Gatwick Airport that reads "Passenger shoe repatriation area only").
Their A to Z of alternative words (PDF) is a handy reminder that "often" is just as clear as "on numerous occasions," and that "quickly" can replace "with the minimum of delay" with no loss of meaning. It will be printed, bound and dropped down the chimney of every bureaucrat, office manager, consultant and communications professional. Ho ho ho.
Copyeditor General's ruling: It turns out you already know what you want for Christmas! According to Ask.com's review of top searches for 2007, the second most common search term this year was "dictionary." I'll leave aside the disturbing news that people are also searching for MySpace and Google (why?) and just say how proud I am that you're making an effort to check spelling and definitions.
American Heritages for everyone! It's going to be a happy Christmas after all!
To prevent paradigm shifts
Business jargon has slithered its way into everyday language. But new and frightening examples are always being spawned, as this business jargon dictionary demonstrates (facipulate, anyone?).
People who use such words to appear smart (it doesn't work) are getting a business jargon protest gift. Because they need a daily reminder that "our alliance stands alone in demonstrating the extensivity of integrated partnerships with other collaboratives" is meaningless.
To save the future from illiteracy
Between Teletubbies and text-messaging, the Kids of Today are surrounded by painful examples of language use. So Santa CG is bringing them How to Speak Politely and Why, the updated version of Munro
Leaf's 1934 Grammar Can Be Fun. It isn't just for Lil' William Safire, but for any kidlet who stands a chance of learning to regard "ain't" and "gimme" with disdain.The advice is offered gently and charmingly, and the illustrations are in that great '30s pen-and-ink style. Plus, Leaf was the author of Ferdinand, the story of the bull who preferred to sniff flowers than fight. So getting the kids to enjoy Leaf might lead to world peace. Oh, come on, it's Christmas. I can dream.
To show solidarity with other word nerds
They snort when TV talking-heads say mediums instead of media. They redline typos on menus. They reply to your email with the victorious observation that (dammit!) you misspelled a wor
d ("What, exactly, is proofimg?").They need something that weaves their derision, precision and Schadenfreude into a soft cotton garment, like this "Urge to Edit" shirt with Arthur Evans's (marked-up) quote: "Nothing, not love, not greed, not passion or hatred, is stronger than a writer's need to change another writer's copy."
To reduce confusion on the cheap
The Plain English Campaign's mission is to eradicate gobbledygook, jargon and misleading language, especially in content created for the general public (example: a sign at Gatwick Airport that reads "Passenger shoe repatriation area only").
Their A to Z of alternative words (PDF) is a handy reminder that "often" is just as clear as "on numerous occasions," and that "quickly" can replace "with the minimum of delay" with no loss of meaning. It will be printed, bound and dropped down the chimney of every bureaucrat, office manager, consultant and communications professional. Ho ho ho.
Copyeditor General's ruling: It turns out you already know what you want for Christmas! According to Ask.com's review of top searches for 2007, the second most common search term this year was "dictionary." I'll leave aside the disturbing news that people are also searching for MySpace and Google (why?) and just say how proud I am that you're making an effort to check spelling and definitions.
American Heritages for everyone! It's going to be a happy Christmas after all!
Wednesday
Word nerds will always get what they want
As I was coming out of the subway station the other day, I heard a street musician playing the Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want."
Actually, playing isn't really the right word. Moidalizing (said in Bronx goon voice) is more like it.
I'm not the biggest Stones fan, but still, this guy's ineptitude really bugged me. How can anyone claim to be a musician and not know the words to the chorus, fer pete's sake? It's not that hard; the song turns up on every oldies station at least hourly. You don't even have to pay attention; you can absorb it, osmosis-style.
I wasn't annoyed that he was ruining my favorite song; I was annoyed because he just. Didn't. Care.
And then I realized I was experiencing the same emotion I feel when I see a poorly constructed sentence, or a heinous typo. And that led to the following revelatory analogy, which may offer insight into my reasons for ranting, and which I encourage you to share with those who claim that good grammar is unimportant:
Think about your favorite song by your favorite band.
Got it? Good.
You've listened to it a thousand times. You'll listen to it a thousand more. It hits you in just the right way. It's perfect.
Now imagine that everywhere you go, you hear cover versions of your favorite song. In stores. In cafes. In the subway.
But every version is just ... slightly ... wrong.
Sometimes the verses are in the wrong order. Sometimes the singer makes up the words--or forgets them altogether. Sometimes the chord changes are out of synch, or go in the wrong direction. Sometimes there's a completely pointless drum solo right in the middle of the most important passage.
You hear it in every supermarket. In every elevator. In every taxi.
Wouldn't that make you a little sad, a little angry? Frustrated that this beautiful, meaningful song was held in such low regard that people couldn't even get the chorus right? That they couldn't take the time to track down the lyrics, listen to the CD, buy sheet music, learn the damn song before they plugged in their guitars?
That's how I feel about misuses of grammar: every time someone writes "perspective" when they mean "prospective," or "cliché" instead of "clichéd," or makes up words (such as "empt" when they mean "apt"--true story), or admits, with a giggle, that they "never really got the hang of punctuation"--also a true story--I feel sad.
Because there are countless methods for learning the tune, endless opportunities to hear it played correctly, a wealth of resources for keeping the beat and hitting the right note.
And yet so many people are content to thrash though a song they can't be bothered to rehearse.
Copyeditor General's ruling: This one goes out to the Davis Square T guitarist: If you can't always get what you want, how is it possible that if you try sometimes you just might find you can't get what you need?
Actually, playing isn't really the right word. Moidalizing (said in Bronx goon voice) is more like it.
I'm not the biggest Stones fan, but still, this guy's ineptitude really bugged me. How can anyone claim to be a musician and not know the words to the chorus, fer pete's sake? It's not that hard; the song turns up on every oldies station at least hourly. You don't even have to pay attention; you can absorb it, osmosis-style.
I wasn't annoyed that he was ruining my favorite song; I was annoyed because he just. Didn't. Care.
And then I realized I was experiencing the same emotion I feel when I see a poorly constructed sentence, or a heinous typo. And that led to the following revelatory analogy, which may offer insight into my reasons for ranting, and which I encourage you to share with those who claim that good grammar is unimportant:
Think about your favorite song by your favorite band.
Got it? Good.
You've listened to it a thousand times. You'll listen to it a thousand more. It hits you in just the right way. It's perfect.
Now imagine that everywhere you go, you hear cover versions of your favorite song. In stores. In cafes. In the subway.
But every version is just ... slightly ... wrong.
Sometimes the verses are in the wrong order. Sometimes the singer makes up the words--or forgets them altogether. Sometimes the chord changes are out of synch, or go in the wrong direction. Sometimes there's a completely pointless drum solo right in the middle of the most important passage.
You hear it in every supermarket. In every elevator. In every taxi.
Wouldn't that make you a little sad, a little angry? Frustrated that this beautiful, meaningful song was held in such low regard that people couldn't even get the chorus right? That they couldn't take the time to track down the lyrics, listen to the CD, buy sheet music, learn the damn song before they plugged in their guitars?
That's how I feel about misuses of grammar: every time someone writes "perspective" when they mean "prospective," or "cliché" instead of "clichéd," or makes up words (such as "empt" when they mean "apt"--true story), or admits, with a giggle, that they "never really got the hang of punctuation"--also a true story--I feel sad.
Because there are countless methods for learning the tune, endless opportunities to hear it played correctly, a wealth of resources for keeping the beat and hitting the right note.
And yet so many people are content to thrash though a song they can't be bothered to rehearse.
Copyeditor General's ruling: This one goes out to the Davis Square T guitarist: If you can't always get what you want, how is it possible that if you try sometimes you just might find you can't get what you need?
Good URLs will go to heaven (and I'll stop with the puns)
You know when you meet someone for the first time and you realize it was just meant to be?
That was the mood at CGHQ today with the discovery of Good URL Bad URL, the creation of self-confessed nerd and URL-aholic Aaron Goldman. He knows how URLs should be presented for maximum readability and comprehension, so it drives him nuts when he sees addresses that are broken up, illegible or just way too long.
He takes pictures! He points out what needs fixing! He's a little obsessed! And he's okay with that!
Copyeditor General's ruling: Call off the search for the Associate Copyeditor General in charge of URLs. We have a winner. Everyone else, go read the list of best practices on GoodURLBadURL.com and apply what you learn. Let the poor guy take a break.
That was the mood at CGHQ today with the discovery of Good URL Bad URL, the creation of self-confessed nerd and URL-aholic Aaron Goldman. He knows how URLs should be presented for maximum readability and comprehension, so it drives him nuts when he sees addresses that are broken up, illegible or just way too long.
He takes pictures! He points out what needs fixing! He's a little obsessed! And he's okay with that!
Copyeditor General's ruling: Call off the search for the Associate Copyeditor General in charge of URLs. We have a winner. Everyone else, go read the list of best practices on GoodURLBadURL.com and apply what you learn. Let the poor guy take a break.
Sunday
True beauty will be in proofread copy
Despite my best efforts to be a girly girl, I'm not. And when I go to Sephora, the beauty-supply-and-makeup mecca, I feel as though I need to keep my head down and avoid eye contact with the flawless salesclerks, lest they figure out that I don't know my glossing cream from my brightening serum and laugh me out of the store.
So it was with some relief that I noticed this sign while perusing the beauty tools:
"Unique, pinch-free, compact design makes this pinch-free compact design for go anywhere tool."
Yes, ladies, you're very pretty. But you might want to read your display labels before you put them out.
Copyeditor General's ruling: Small, pointless victories are beautiful in the eye of the beholder.
So it was with some relief that I noticed this sign while perusing the beauty tools:
"Unique, pinch-free, compact design makes this pinch-free compact design for go anywhere tool."
Yes, ladies, you're very pretty. But you might want to read your display labels before you put them out.
Copyeditor General's ruling: Small, pointless victories are beautiful in the eye of the beholder.
Thursday
Facebook users will not fear basic sentences
One of my favorite things about Facebook is the status update, the editable sentence that gives a quick snapshot into each person's life at the moment they wrote it. The functionality is set up as $name + "is" + $message, with the mandatory verb forcing a particular sentence structure:
Carolyn is watching leaves fall.
Carolyn is currently catupon.
Carolyn is asking you to vote parmo.
I enjoy the challenge of fitting my spontaneous updates into a predetermined grammatical form. But apparently not everyone does. As reported on the allfacebook blog and covered in news outlets from Wired to Salon to the UK's Daily Telegraph site, Facebook is giving in to user pressure and removing the verb from status updates.
What's the big deal, you wonder? Doesn't this allow for greater creativity, enabling users to say how they really feel instead of being straitjacketed into the third-person singular of to be?
You'd think so. But given that the FB crowd already struggles with the simple "is" format--ignoring it altogether and writing things like "John is I hate school" and "Sarah is got a new job!!!" and "Lucy is can't get TiVo to work"--I don't hold out much hope that this new flexibility will improve their language use.
The discovery of a Facebook group called "I die a little bit inside when I see grammatically incorrect status updates" did assauge my fear that no-one else had noticed.
What bugs me most is that the Facebook group pushing for the change, "Campaign to lose the mandatory 'is' from status updates," has 64,000 members. A population equivalent to the City of Portland, Maine, thinks it's just too difficult to start a sentence with "(username) is" and would rather complain about it than figure out how to work with it.
Copyeditor General's ruling: CG is going to continue using the verb to be in status updates.
Carolyn is watching leaves fall.
Carolyn is currently catupon.
Carolyn is asking you to vote parmo.
I enjoy the challenge of fitting my spontaneous updates into a predetermined grammatical form. But apparently not everyone does. As reported on the allfacebook blog and covered in news outlets from Wired to Salon to the UK's Daily Telegraph site, Facebook is giving in to user pressure and removing the verb from status updates.
What's the big deal, you wonder? Doesn't this allow for greater creativity, enabling users to say how they really feel instead of being straitjacketed into the third-person singular of to be?
You'd think so. But given that the FB crowd already struggles with the simple "is" format--ignoring it altogether and writing things like "John is I hate school" and "Sarah is got a new job!!!" and "Lucy is can't get TiVo to work"--I don't hold out much hope that this new flexibility will improve their language use.
The discovery of a Facebook group called "I die a little bit inside when I see grammatically incorrect status updates" did assauge my fear that no-one else had noticed.
What bugs me most is that the Facebook group pushing for the change, "Campaign to lose the mandatory 'is' from status updates," has 64,000 members. A population equivalent to the City of Portland, Maine, thinks it's just too difficult to start a sentence with "(username) is" and would rather complain about it than figure out how to work with it.
Copyeditor General's ruling: CG is going to continue using the verb to be in status updates.
Saturday
Fortune cookies will not need to be told twice
Oh, come on! Is someone trying to tell me something?
Copyeditor General's ruling: Actually, blind stubbornness seems to be a prerequisite for holders of political office, doesn't it?
Copyeditor General's ruling: Actually, blind stubbornness seems to be a prerequisite for holders of political office, doesn't it?
Wednesday
Fortune cookies will not pass judgement
Copyeditor General's ruling: Oh, you want nonverbal cues, pal? I'll give you nonverbal cues, all right!
Saturday
Steven Seagal will keep his juices to himself
Has this ever happened to you: it's a sweltering summer day, you're feeling a little tired, and you think--perhaps not for the first time--why hasn't the star of Marked for Death, Half Past Dead and Today You Die created a delicious energy drink?
Well, wake up and smell the goji berries, baby, because I bring good news: he has.
(You can't see it on the still image, but the lines around the logo above actually throw out pulsating bolts of light energy. It's electrifying.)
According to the website for Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Energy Drink, the neck-punching actor spent years traveling Asia to collect the ingredients for his all-natural beverage.
Unfortunately, someone spent considerably less time creating the website.
I could analyze everything that's hilariously wrong (or wrongly hilarious) about the site, but I'm a busy person. Instead, I'll just point out (and laugh at) the best parts. I invite you to laugh along.
Steven Seagal now can add “Energy Drink formulator” to a list of talents that already includes veteran actor, singer/songwriter, guitarist, and Aikido black belt [...] His album, Songs from the Crystal Cave, released earlier this year, has already hit the pop charts in Europe."
"...hit the pop charts in Europe." Did real well, too.
... Steven Seagal is a popular action movie hero ...
(which is why 11 of his last 17 movies were self-produced and made for video).
... whose films combine spiritual concepts and social/environmental consciousness with high-voltage violence."
He saves cleans up toxic waste *and* kicks a guy in the throat!
What else? Ah yes:
Should I mention the apostrophic nightmare? Moving on:
Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt is an energy drink as unique as the man who created it. It has pioneered the way for nutritional, all natural energy drinks and emerged as many “firsts” ...
Can a single item "emerge as many firsts"? What does that look like? And does it hurt?
The first "first" is that the drink contains the Tibetan goji berry. Little-known fact: this is another name for the wolfberry, which is apparently a common ingredient in energy brews. Here's one, though the name is a little off-putting. But the name of this one actually means wolfberry, which should have been a bit of a giveaway.
It is also one of the very few energy drinks to be offered in multiple flavors ...
Yeah, it's always a good idea to check before making a statement like that. I did. And hey, looky!
XS Gear drinks comes in three flavors, just like Stevie's brew.
Zipfizz also has a trio of taste sensations.
Naked Juice has kicked it up a notch (but probably not using nunchaku).
My favorite is Odwalla; I'm currently celebrating the seasonal return of their Super Protein Pumpkin drink, which tastes like punkin pie and is only available through the holiday season (after which the stupid government takes it away).
But I digress. Suffice it to say that a quick Goog for natural energy drink flavors throws doubt on "first-emergence" claims.
The name "Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt" was an inevitable afterthought?
Okay, kids, as we're online, let's check dictionary.com:
af·ter·thought /ˈæftərˌθɔt, ˈɑf-/ –noun
1. a later or second thought; reconsideration.
2. reflection after an act; an appropriate explanation, answer, expedient, or the like, conceived of too late for the occasion.
3. something added, as a part or feature, that was not included in the original plan or design: The vestry was added to the church as an afterthought.
Or, as it were, the name was hastily appended to the energy drink as an afterthought. Inevitable, really.
When Steven Seagal finished creating a drink that holds untold natural power, there was only one equivalent in nature - The Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt.
Let me make sure I understand: Seagal created a potentially supernatural drink that has only one equivalent in nature: the drink he created. Wow, maybe the man is a god ...
Both mysterious and powerful, it's a symbol of the untold energy the earth has to offer - Such is Steven Seagals Lightning Bolt energy drink.
It's mysterious! It's powerful! Its mystery is exceeded only by its power!
Its name was an inevitable afterthought!
Oh, and I love that the "Latest news" has been updated twice: in October 2005 and January 2006. Overdue for another announcement, aren't we?
Copyeditor General's ruling: While the audience for this beverage undoubtedly expresses a preference for head-butting action and awesome pecs over careful grammar and factual accuracy, and while Steven Seagal could probably turn CGHQ into a pile of smoking rubble in seconds, websites promoting products intended for human ingestion should project a strong, consistent tone of authority and credibility.
Oh, and if some big dude with a ponytail comes around asking questions, you haven't seen me.
Well, wake up and smell the goji berries, baby, because I bring good news: he has.
(You can't see it on the still image, but the lines around the logo above actually throw out pulsating bolts of light energy. It's electrifying.)
According to the website for Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Energy Drink, the neck-punching actor spent years traveling Asia to collect the ingredients for his all-natural beverage.
Unfortunately, someone spent considerably less time creating the website.
I could analyze everything that's hilariously wrong (or wrongly hilarious) about the site, but I'm a busy person. Instead, I'll just point out (and laugh at) the best parts. I invite you to laugh along.
Steven Seagal now can add “Energy Drink formulator” to a list of talents that already includes veteran actor, singer/songwriter, guitarist, and Aikido black belt [...] His album, Songs from the Crystal Cave, released earlier this year, has already hit the pop charts in Europe."
"...hit the pop charts in Europe." Did real well, too.
... Steven Seagal is a popular action movie hero ...
(which is why 11 of his last 17 movies were self-produced and made for video).
... whose films combine spiritual concepts and social/environmental consciousness with high-voltage violence."
He saves cleans up toxic waste *and* kicks a guy in the throat!
What else? Ah yes:
Should I mention the apostrophic nightmare? Moving on:
Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt is an energy drink as unique as the man who created it. It has pioneered the way for nutritional, all natural energy drinks and emerged as many “firsts” ...
Can a single item "emerge as many firsts"? What does that look like? And does it hurt?
The first "first" is that the drink contains the Tibetan goji berry. Little-known fact: this is another name for the wolfberry, which is apparently a common ingredient in energy brews. Here's one, though the name is a little off-putting. But the name of this one actually means wolfberry, which should have been a bit of a giveaway.
It is also one of the very few energy drinks to be offered in multiple flavors ...
Yeah, it's always a good idea to check before making a statement like that. I did. And hey, looky!
XS Gear drinks comes in three flavors, just like Stevie's brew.
Zipfizz also has a trio of taste sensations.
Naked Juice has kicked it up a notch (but probably not using nunchaku).
My favorite is Odwalla; I'm currently celebrating the seasonal return of their Super Protein Pumpkin drink, which tastes like punkin pie and is only available through the holiday season (after which the stupid government takes it away).
But I digress. Suffice it to say that a quick Goog for natural energy drink flavors throws doubt on "first-emergence" claims.
The name "Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt" was an inevitable afterthought?
Okay, kids, as we're online, let's check dictionary.com:
af·ter·thought /ˈæftərˌθɔt, ˈɑf-/ –noun
1. a later or second thought; reconsideration.
2. reflection after an act; an appropriate explanation, answer, expedient, or the like, conceived of too late for the occasion.
3. something added, as a part or feature, that was not included in the original plan or design: The vestry was added to the church as an afterthought.
Or, as it were, the name was hastily appended to the energy drink as an afterthought. Inevitable, really.
When Steven Seagal finished creating a drink that holds untold natural power, there was only one equivalent in nature - The Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt.
Let me make sure I understand: Seagal created a potentially supernatural drink that has only one equivalent in nature: the drink he created. Wow, maybe the man is a god ...
Both mysterious and powerful, it's a symbol of the untold energy the earth has to offer - Such is Steven Seagals Lightning Bolt energy drink.
It's mysterious! It's powerful! Its mystery is exceeded only by its power!
Its name was an inevitable afterthought!
Oh, and I love that the "Latest news" has been updated twice: in October 2005 and January 2006. Overdue for another announcement, aren't we?
Copyeditor General's ruling: While the audience for this beverage undoubtedly expresses a preference for head-butting action and awesome pecs over careful grammar and factual accuracy, and while Steven Seagal could probably turn CGHQ into a pile of smoking rubble in seconds, websites promoting products intended for human ingestion should project a strong, consistent tone of authority and credibility.
Oh, and if some big dude with a ponytail comes around asking questions, you haven't seen me.
Sunday
The thought will not be what counts
There's a reason some greetings cards end up in the discount bin. Here's one, supplied by Al, owner of the blog Stuff to Think About:
Gah! All I know is that if any child of mine sent me this awful missive, and didn't do so with a generous side-salad of irony, they'd be written out of the will.
(Wait--I don't have a will. Joke's on them! Ha!)
Thanks, Al, for recognizing, correctly, that this would cause me to shriek in horror. You'd get a Deputy of the Week t-shirt if such a thing existed.
And here's a little something The Boy and I found in Building 19 1/17 a few years back. We got two for a buck, if memory serves.
(The caption under the photo on the notepaper reads Treasure of memory.) I know, one shouldn't mock; this one was made in Korea, so theoretically gets a pass. Not from me, though.
Copyeditor General's ruling: If I ever find Hallmark doing stuff like this, there's gonna be trouble.
Gah! All I know is that if any child of mine sent me this awful missive, and didn't do so with a generous side-salad of irony, they'd be written out of the will.
(Wait--I don't have a will. Joke's on them! Ha!)
Thanks, Al, for recognizing, correctly, that this would cause me to shriek in horror. You'd get a Deputy of the Week t-shirt if such a thing existed.
And here's a little something The Boy and I found in Building 19 1/17 a few years back. We got two for a buck, if memory serves.
(The caption under the photo on the notepaper reads Treasure of memory.) I know, one shouldn't mock; this one was made in Korea, so theoretically gets a pass. Not from me, though.
Copyeditor General's ruling: If I ever find Hallmark doing stuff like this, there's gonna be trouble.
Friday
Emergency instructions will not cause panic
Spotted in an elevator:
How many ambiguities can you find, kids? Here's my list:
1) The sentence is hard to parse: I had to read it a couple of times to make sense of it. ("To operate emergency elevator, phone depress button"? "To operate emergency, elevator phone depress, button and hold"?)
2) "Depress button." Do I really have to bring the button down, man? Can't I just press it? Or push it?
3) "Depress button." But which one? Not shown in the photo are the seven buttons on the control panel: the numbers 1 through 4, the "open" and "close" buttons, and one marked "alarm." By a process of elimination, it appears the latter is the appropriate choice. Still, the label suggests it's intended to trigger a noise, not initiate a phone call.
2) "Hold until answering service answers." Um, isn't that what you'd expect from an answering service? And do we really need that extra detail? I suspect someone felt it important to explain that the response wouldn't come from inside the building--that Mr. Stucky Unlucky shouldn't expect help to arrive within minutes. But to me, it suggests an impersonal, and possibly uncaring, distance. Where exactly is this answering service? New York? Ohio? Bangalore?
3) "Indicating your location." Yeah, hello? I'm inside the elevator. I don't remember seeing the details elsewhere inside the metal box, but the info they're looking for--building address, elevator number, or anything else that might help a rescue crew locate a trapped vertical traveler--isn't posted near the sign.
So let's review: you're in the elevator. The doors have closed, you're descending slowly--and then, with a gentle lurch, you come to a halt. You wait a while, panic building (you were the last one to leave the office! It's Friday night! On a long weekend!). And then you read the sign a couple of times, check the buttons, look around to make sure there aren't any other buttons you should push instead, and finally, sadly, depress the alarm. You have a brief conversation with a disembodied voice.
And then you wait.
After a while, you take out a Sharpie and write on the metal wall:
"If you need help, push the "alarm" button and hold until someone answers. You'll be okay."
Copyeditor General's ruling: Signs directing behavior in unusual, unexpected and potentially frightening situations should be simple, clear and devoid of unnecessary detail. Also, it's always a good idea to carry a granola bar. Just in case.
How many ambiguities can you find, kids? Here's my list:
1) The sentence is hard to parse: I had to read it a couple of times to make sense of it. ("To operate emergency elevator, phone depress button"? "To operate emergency, elevator phone depress, button and hold"?)
2) "Depress button." Do I really have to bring the button down, man? Can't I just press it? Or push it?
3) "Depress button." But which one? Not shown in the photo are the seven buttons on the control panel: the numbers 1 through 4, the "open" and "close" buttons, and one marked "alarm." By a process of elimination, it appears the latter is the appropriate choice. Still, the label suggests it's intended to trigger a noise, not initiate a phone call.
2) "Hold until answering service answers." Um, isn't that what you'd expect from an answering service? And do we really need that extra detail? I suspect someone felt it important to explain that the response wouldn't come from inside the building--that Mr. Stucky Unlucky shouldn't expect help to arrive within minutes. But to me, it suggests an impersonal, and possibly uncaring, distance. Where exactly is this answering service? New York? Ohio? Bangalore?
3) "Indicating your location." Yeah, hello? I'm inside the elevator. I don't remember seeing the details elsewhere inside the metal box, but the info they're looking for--building address, elevator number, or anything else that might help a rescue crew locate a trapped vertical traveler--isn't posted near the sign.
So let's review: you're in the elevator. The doors have closed, you're descending slowly--and then, with a gentle lurch, you come to a halt. You wait a while, panic building (you were the last one to leave the office! It's Friday night! On a long weekend!). And then you read the sign a couple of times, check the buttons, look around to make sure there aren't any other buttons you should push instead, and finally, sadly, depress the alarm. You have a brief conversation with a disembodied voice.
And then you wait.
After a while, you take out a Sharpie and write on the metal wall:
"If you need help, push the "alarm" button and hold until someone answers. You'll be okay."
Copyeditor General's ruling: Signs directing behavior in unusual, unexpected and potentially frightening situations should be simple, clear and devoid of unnecessary detail. Also, it's always a good idea to carry a granola bar. Just in case.
Saturday
Monkeys will not be employed as signwriters
Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I'm starting to sense a link between grammar and animals:
When you put the two together, one will be wrong.
And as there's no such thing as a wrong animal (apart, of course, from the duck-billed platypus--don't get me started), the wrongness must be on the wordy side of the fence.
For previous evidence, spurious though it undoubtedly is, may I remind you of the "No Live Parking" sign in the Stone Zoo parking lot. And the dog-related signage from a couple of posts back.
And now here's Exhibit C: a trio of signs from Franklin Park Zoo. The first shows a marked reluctance to use the space bar:
I translate this as "Open door slowly; people, perhaps, have gone to heaven."
Next, we have a lesson in stating the obvious:
Because otherwise we'd call it a wall.
Finally, the lamest excuse I've ever seen:
So you can only feed the miniature goats on the days when there's no weather? How often does that happen?
I think this episode riled me especially because zoos (for better or worse) often have kids wandering the grounds. And while their behavior occasionally offends me (the way they scream at skittish animals, bang their tiny, hard fists against glass next to "please do not bang on glass" signs and throw rocks at anything not sufficiently animated to entertain them), I'd still prefer it if they grew up with some understanding of, and respect for, correct language use.
Copyeditor General's ruling: Gorillas should be kept out of the signwriting shop and left to do what they do best: eat fruit, fling poo and create abstract art.
When you put the two together, one will be wrong.
And as there's no such thing as a wrong animal (apart, of course, from the duck-billed platypus--don't get me started), the wrongness must be on the wordy side of the fence.
For previous evidence, spurious though it undoubtedly is, may I remind you of the "No Live Parking" sign in the Stone Zoo parking lot. And the dog-related signage from a couple of posts back.
And now here's Exhibit C: a trio of signs from Franklin Park Zoo. The first shows a marked reluctance to use the space bar:
I translate this as "Open door slowly; people, perhaps, have gone to heaven."
Next, we have a lesson in stating the obvious:
Because otherwise we'd call it a wall.
Finally, the lamest excuse I've ever seen:
So you can only feed the miniature goats on the days when there's no weather? How often does that happen?
I think this episode riled me especially because zoos (for better or worse) often have kids wandering the grounds. And while their behavior occasionally offends me (the way they scream at skittish animals, bang their tiny, hard fists against glass next to "please do not bang on glass" signs and throw rocks at anything not sufficiently animated to entertain them), I'd still prefer it if they grew up with some understanding of, and respect for, correct language use.
Copyeditor General's ruling: Gorillas should be kept out of the signwriting shop and left to do what they do best: eat fruit, fling poo and create abstract art.
Friday
Winners will just be winners
During the Red Sox-Angels playoff game earlier this week, one of the announcers mentioned that both Josh Beckett and John Lackey were among "the winningest pitchers" in the American League this year.
Winningest.
I yelled at the TV, of course. What was I supposed to do?
Not that this was the first time I've encountered the phrase (or the last; today's Metro GameDay notes that on this day in 2001, the Mariners became "the winningest team in American League history").
But why? No, really, why?
Is the player who steals most bases the stealingest? Is the hitter with the most bunts the buntiest? Is the Gold Glove winner the catchiest?
(Please, no comments about the technical inaccuracy of my examples. Kyle, I'm looking in your direction.)
You get my point, though, right? Is there such a dearth of ways to describe the most capable, the most sucessful, the most athletic and agile, that we're forced to create these mutants?
Oh, you may say, but this isn't made up; it's right there in the dictionary. (Merriam-Webster, how could you?).
I prefer to side with the likes of The Grammarphobia Blog, which notes: "The American Heritage entry classifies [winningest] as 'informal' usage. The 'informal' gives all right-thinking people a good excuse to avoid it."
Copyeditor General's ruling: Don't even get me started on "to medal."
Winningest.
I yelled at the TV, of course. What was I supposed to do?
Not that this was the first time I've encountered the phrase (or the last; today's Metro GameDay notes that on this day in 2001, the Mariners became "the winningest team in American League history").
But why? No, really, why?
Is the player who steals most bases the stealingest? Is the hitter with the most bunts the buntiest? Is the Gold Glove winner the catchiest?
(Please, no comments about the technical inaccuracy of my examples. Kyle, I'm looking in your direction.)
You get my point, though, right? Is there such a dearth of ways to describe the most capable, the most sucessful, the most athletic and agile, that we're forced to create these mutants?
Oh, you may say, but this isn't made up; it's right there in the dictionary. (Merriam-Webster, how could you?).
I prefer to side with the likes of The Grammarphobia Blog, which notes: "The American Heritage entry classifies [winningest] as 'informal' usage. The 'informal' gives all right-thinking people a good excuse to avoid it."
Copyeditor General's ruling: Don't even get me started on "to medal."
Sunday
Dogs will have better role models
Spotted yesterday at the pet groomery:
Mmmm-mmmm! Has anything ever sounded more delicious? But why describe it as "cooked in its own juices"? Doesn't that just mean baked? Or roasted? Wouldn't it have been more compelling to call it roast beef? At least until you notice the section further round that notes it's "in loaf form." Yuuuum-meeee!
What caught my eye, of course, wasn't the utterly unappetizing description. but rather the big fat apostrophe right there in the middle of the can. I guess they assume dogs don't care about punctuation.
This sign is posted in the park near our house:
Of course I understand what it means, but the literal translation is all dogs must be on a leash, and all dogs must clean up after your dog.
I'm all for community collaboration and equality of responsibility, but I have trouble believing that the dogs that, um, patronize this patch of greenspace will start carrying plastic bags and pooper scoopers. Not with all the squirrels distracting them.
Copyeditor General's ruling: If dogs are going to the trouble of learning English, the least we can do is lead by example.
Mmmm-mmmm! Has anything ever sounded more delicious? But why describe it as "cooked in its own juices"? Doesn't that just mean baked? Or roasted? Wouldn't it have been more compelling to call it roast beef? At least until you notice the section further round that notes it's "in loaf form." Yuuuum-meeee!
What caught my eye, of course, wasn't the utterly unappetizing description. but rather the big fat apostrophe right there in the middle of the can. I guess they assume dogs don't care about punctuation.
This sign is posted in the park near our house:
Of course I understand what it means, but the literal translation is all dogs must be on a leash, and all dogs must clean up after your dog.
I'm all for community collaboration and equality of responsibility, but I have trouble believing that the dogs that, um, patronize this patch of greenspace will start carrying plastic bags and pooper scoopers. Not with all the squirrels distracting them.
Copyeditor General's ruling: If dogs are going to the trouble of learning English, the least we can do is lead by example.
Wednesday
Frozen yogurt will be served
Some of the best (or worst) examples of poor language skills appear when unexpected circumstances arise and a change in policy, service or process needs to be communicated.
Yesterday I found two lovely examples at the Wrentham outlet mall (where I also found a cool olive green-zebra print jacket, reduced from a ton to a score).
The first was in the food court:
Almost poetic, isn't it?
What I love most, though, is that it doesn't explain why there's a problem.
"So, is your refrigerator broken?"
"No, it's working fine."
"Did you run out of yogurt? I've been here when the coffee stall ran out of milk, and when the sandwich stall ran out of bread, so I thought maybe ..."
"No, no, we have plenty of yogurt."
"So can I have some?"
"Ah, um, no."
"Well, that's inconvenient."
"Yeah, sorry."
Down at the other end of the mall, outside the Village Cafe, was another apology:
Due to the increase in the economy?
It can't mean "due to economic growth" if they need to reduce the discount. Does it mean "due to the need to be economical"?
I asked senior economic correspondent The Boy for his analysis. He had no clue what they were trying to say.
I'm not suggesting businesses need to explain their decisions in excruciating detail; merely that if something has changed--and especially when an apology is necessary--it makes for better customer relations, reducing uncertainty and increasing user confidence, when communication is clear.
Copyeditor General's ruling: When outlet shopping, it's always a good idea to bring your own snack.
Yesterday I found two lovely examples at the Wrentham outlet mall (where I also found a cool olive green-zebra print jacket, reduced from a ton to a score).
The first was in the food court:
Almost poetic, isn't it?
What I love most, though, is that it doesn't explain why there's a problem.
"So, is your refrigerator broken?"
"No, it's working fine."
"Did you run out of yogurt? I've been here when the coffee stall ran out of milk, and when the sandwich stall ran out of bread, so I thought maybe ..."
"No, no, we have plenty of yogurt."
"So can I have some?"
"Ah, um, no."
"Well, that's inconvenient."
"Yeah, sorry."
Down at the other end of the mall, outside the Village Cafe, was another apology:
Due to the increase in the economy?
It can't mean "due to economic growth" if they need to reduce the discount. Does it mean "due to the need to be economical"?
I asked senior economic correspondent The Boy for his analysis. He had no clue what they were trying to say.
I'm not suggesting businesses need to explain their decisions in excruciating detail; merely that if something has changed--and especially when an apology is necessary--it makes for better customer relations, reducing uncertainty and increasing user confidence, when communication is clear.
Copyeditor General's ruling: When outlet shopping, it's always a good idea to bring your own snack.
Monday
The British will not be considered superior
Last week I was in England, where I discovered that poor signage is a universal blight. And whether a symptom of stereotypical British politeness or just lack of editing skills, there's a tendency to throw more words on a sign than necessary.
The best examples of this were in the local city council offices. However, the prevalence of security cameras made me reluctant to take photos, so I'll have to tell, rather than showing:
MOBILE PHONE USERS
COULD ALL USERS OF MOBILE PHONES
PLEASE HAVE RESPECT FOR OTHER
CUSTOMERS AND KINDLY REFRAIN FROM
USING THEM WHILE CARRYING OUT
TRANSACTIONS AT THE COUNTER.
THANK YOU
Let's put aside the fact that they really shouldn't be using other customers at all, and focus instead on the overall message.
What they really want to say is "hang up your damn phone," but obviously that's much too brusque. But adding the pleases and kindlies and thankyous--and printing THE WHOLE THING IN CAPS--just means more words to wade through to find the useful part. By which time your phone has started playing the Crazy Frog and you're next in line.
And for those who like to believe the British education system is substantially better than that in the US, here's more evidence to suggest otherwise.
Left luggage office at Heathrow Airport (Terminal 3, Arrivals):
Photo caption at the Museum of Hartlepool:
(My mum found that one, so she gets to be Deputy of the Week!)
In a store window, also in Hartlepool:
Apparently it's not enough to mangle the use of "everyday" ...
Finally, a twofer--too many words and poorly punctuated:
Does "dog fouling" refer to making sliding tackles on terriers?
Copyeditor General's ruling: Evidently the problem is greater than I thought. We need to install a CG at the EU.
The best examples of this were in the local city council offices. However, the prevalence of security cameras made me reluctant to take photos, so I'll have to tell, rather than showing:
MOBILE PHONE USERS
COULD ALL USERS OF MOBILE PHONES
PLEASE HAVE RESPECT FOR OTHER
CUSTOMERS AND KINDLY REFRAIN FROM
USING THEM WHILE CARRYING OUT
TRANSACTIONS AT THE COUNTER.
THANK YOU
Let's put aside the fact that they really shouldn't be using other customers at all, and focus instead on the overall message.
What they really want to say is "hang up your damn phone," but obviously that's much too brusque. But adding the pleases and kindlies and thankyous--and printing THE WHOLE THING IN CAPS--just means more words to wade through to find the useful part. By which time your phone has started playing the Crazy Frog and you're next in line.
And for those who like to believe the British education system is substantially better than that in the US, here's more evidence to suggest otherwise.
Left luggage office at Heathrow Airport (Terminal 3, Arrivals):
Photo caption at the Museum of Hartlepool:
(My mum found that one, so she gets to be Deputy of the Week!)
In a store window, also in Hartlepool:
Apparently it's not enough to mangle the use of "everyday" ...
Finally, a twofer--too many words and poorly punctuated:
Does "dog fouling" refer to making sliding tackles on terriers?
Copyeditor General's ruling: Evidently the problem is greater than I thought. We need to install a CG at the EU.
Wednesday
Insurance will be reassuring
CGHQ received a letter recently:
You can see a larger version here, but it's so poorly written that I wanted to break it down into sections for easier analysis.
Paragraph one:
Sounds like a warning, doesn't it? "Targeting" is usually associated with fraudulent crime when not used in a marketing sense (which, some may argue, is the same thing).
So should I be concerned about impending victimhood?
Perhaps not; it appears the nameless underwriting company is reducing prices. Or is reducing the prices of other (various) companies. I wonder whether they know about this?
And it's not clear which prices are reduced. Or reduced off. One assumes it's house insurance, but it could be anything, given the apparent variety of other companies involved.
Let's move along.
I always thought it was "avail oneself of" something. At least, that's what the dictionary says. Few things are more irksome than the misuse of highfalutin' phraseology.
And this isn't great from a usability standpoint, either; they're making the reader (the customer) do the work of finding the number himself. Not as much of a gaffe on a printed letter as it would be online, where the trigger finger is always ready to click away if things become complicated, but the problem is the same. The reader has to look for the number (written in a much smaller type size) at the top of the page.
Would it have been so hard to repeat it in the sentence? Or to include the contact name here, instead of two lines later?
But perhaps everything will be okay. They kinda sorta guarantee it. Maybe.
Would have been a great pun if they were offering legal help with inheritance distribution. But they're not. So it's either an attempt at sarcasm or a not-so-subtle Sopranosesque threat.
And then, to close: nothing. No "Thank you for your time," no "With best wishes"--not even a "Yours, etc." It's a letter from no-one, pulled from the printer and whacked into an envelope with as little effort as possible. Three out of four paragraphs start with the same word--"please"--but that's as close as this company comes to trying to make nice with their prospective client.
On the positive side, at least there are no typos.
You can see a larger version here, but it's so poorly written that I wanted to break it down into sections for easier analysis.
Paragraph one:
Sounds like a warning, doesn't it? "Targeting" is usually associated with fraudulent crime when not used in a marketing sense (which, some may argue, is the same thing).
So should I be concerned about impending victimhood?
Perhaps not; it appears the nameless underwriting company is reducing prices. Or is reducing the prices of other (various) companies. I wonder whether they know about this?
And it's not clear which prices are reduced. Or reduced off. One assumes it's house insurance, but it could be anything, given the apparent variety of other companies involved.
Let's move along.
I always thought it was "avail oneself of" something. At least, that's what the dictionary says. Few things are more irksome than the misuse of highfalutin' phraseology.
And this isn't great from a usability standpoint, either; they're making the reader (the customer) do the work of finding the number himself. Not as much of a gaffe on a printed letter as it would be online, where the trigger finger is always ready to click away if things become complicated, but the problem is the same. The reader has to look for the number (written in a much smaller type size) at the top of the page.
Would it have been so hard to repeat it in the sentence? Or to include the contact name here, instead of two lines later?
But perhaps everything will be okay. They kinda sorta guarantee it. Maybe.
Would have been a great pun if they were offering legal help with inheritance distribution. But they're not. So it's either an attempt at sarcasm or a not-so-subtle Sopranosesque threat.
And then, to close: nothing. No "Thank you for your time," no "With best wishes"--not even a "Yours, etc." It's a letter from no-one, pulled from the printer and whacked into an envelope with as little effort as possible. Three out of four paragraphs start with the same word--"please"--but that's as close as this company comes to trying to make nice with their prospective client.
On the positive side, at least there are no typos.
Tuesday
Dinner will be tasty and typo-free
Typos in menus: could there be a better way to combine my favorite pastimes? Here's a roundup of some of the best.
Would you prefer to order from the ala cart menu (as offered at the St. Louis Hyatt) or the prefix menu (as offered at Ricardo Steakhouse in NYC)?
Which begs the question: is there such a thing as a suffix menu? Would that be dessert only?
Tempo in Alexandria, Virginia, takes a different approach with their "price-fix" menu, which I assume is an attempt to sell all dishes at the same price as competing restaurants.
Let's begin ...
Mescaline salad--theoretically, this has been illegal since 1970. Yet it keeps cropping up on menus everywhere. Shouldn't the DEA do something about this?
Not in the mood for salad? How about a nice piece of beef? Or possibly jungle cat?
Perhaps something from the sea?
(Will also bring your car around after the meal.)
And now would you like to see the desert menu?
Oh, but you know I'm not the only one who obsesses over this stuff. There are so many eagle-eyed diners out there ...
Would you prefer to order from the ala cart menu (as offered at the St. Louis Hyatt) or the prefix menu (as offered at Ricardo Steakhouse in NYC)?
Which begs the question: is there such a thing as a suffix menu? Would that be dessert only?
Tempo in Alexandria, Virginia, takes a different approach with their "price-fix" menu, which I assume is an attempt to sell all dishes at the same price as competing restaurants.
Let's begin ...
Mescaline salad--theoretically, this has been illegal since 1970. Yet it keeps cropping up on menus everywhere. Shouldn't the DEA do something about this?
Not in the mood for salad? How about a nice piece of beef? Or possibly jungle cat?
Perhaps something from the sea?
(Will also bring your car around after the meal.)
And now would you like to see the desert menu?
Oh, but you know I'm not the only one who obsesses over this stuff. There are so many eagle-eyed diners out there ...
Monday
"World's best" will not be a regional distinction
In the market for a sparkly something to wear to our Texas wedding, I wandered into So Good, a magpie's dream of a costume jewelry store in Boston. Oh, they have everything: oversized Lisa Simpson-style bead necklaces, diamante anklets, lucite bangles, pendants with skulls and kitties and crosses and guitars and hearts and stars ...
Perhaps, then, they're justified in claiming to be the best in the world. Or the best in Boston. Or is it the best in the world, Boston division?
Perhaps, then, they're justified in claiming to be the best in the world. Or the best in Boston. Or is it the best in the world, Boston division?
Sunday
Socio-political criticism will be proofread first
On the back of a truck in the parking lot of the Christmas Tree Store, Salem, New Hampshire:
Hilarious, no?
But here's the thing: I had a conversation a few weeks ago with a friend who's studying linguistics. He suggested that another word for grammatical stickler was "snob."
Yes, he was playing devil's avocado a little, but his point stands: is it fair to highlight the educational failings of others, to hold them up to the light and laugh? Haven't we all sent work with egregious typos out into the world, sometimes not noticing our mistakes until eagle-eyed friends (yeah, thanks, Kyle) have brought them joyfully to our attention?
So no more mockery of individual, personal grammatical goofs.
However, anything produced by professional organizations for public consumption is still fair game. Such as this sign at Canobie Lake Park in New Hampshire:
Hilarious, no?
But here's the thing: I had a conversation a few weeks ago with a friend who's studying linguistics. He suggested that another word for grammatical stickler was "snob."
Yes, he was playing devil's avocado a little, but his point stands: is it fair to highlight the educational failings of others, to hold them up to the light and laugh? Haven't we all sent work with egregious typos out into the world, sometimes not noticing our mistakes until eagle-eyed friends (yeah, thanks, Kyle) have brought them joyfully to our attention?
So no more mockery of individual, personal grammatical goofs.
However, anything produced by professional organizations for public consumption is still fair game. Such as this sign at Canobie Lake Park in New Hampshire:
Monday
Texas websites will be messed with
Tomorrow we fly down to Texas for some family wedding-style fun, so recently I've been site-hopping, looking for event schedules, restaurant reviews and visitor information. As a result, I've encountered sites at all levels of usefulness and professionalism.
At the "nicely executed" end of the scale is austintexas.org, a lively, detailed collection of info, including a fun interactive map of Austin that lets you flag relevant attractions and leap from one location to another like a giant virtual kangaroo.
At the "please tell me this is some kid's homework" end of the scale is riverwalkguide.com, the homepage intro of which begins thus:
"Welcome to the San Antonio River Walk Guide. Your guide to everything along the River Walk and the Downtown San Anotnio area. "
So we start with a sentence fragment and a typo? Fabulous! I would be generous and assume the latter is intended to pick up search results from a mis-typed keyword were it not for the fact that the site has more errors, grammatical inaccuracies and flat-out oversights than should be legal for a promotional communication.
Fiesta survival tips: "From what to wear, where to park, its al its all here."
The River Walk Planner: "Create your very own River Walk Plan. Browse the San Antonio River Walk and nver lose track of where you plan to stay, places to see, and much more Get Stared Now!"
In an attempt at personalization, the site includes functionality to allow visitors to create an itinerary. However, the developers' coding and database skills only go so far, as is evident from this warning at registration:
"DO NOT FORGET YOUR PASSWORD - You can not retrieve your password and we can not recover it for you. Sorry, just please don't forget."
Best page on the site, though, is "Top 10 things to bring to San Antonio." Extra kudos for the warning to bring antacid ("this is so you can enjoy San Antonio’s spicy Tex-Mex food and tangy margaritas without grief") and the caveat that cash machines may try to rip you off ("Save money by not having to use the ATM’s").
The final tip on this page:
"10) Sun Block because if your not use to the South Texas Sun"
Oh, but I'm not use! What will happen to me?
Copyeditor General's ruling: Someone desperately needs to mess with Texas. Or at least San Antonio. Or at least riverwalkguide.com.
Oh, style guide bonus: the editors should figure out whether they're promoting the River Walk or the Riverwalk or the RiverWalk.
At the "nicely executed" end of the scale is austintexas.org, a lively, detailed collection of info, including a fun interactive map of Austin that lets you flag relevant attractions and leap from one location to another like a giant virtual kangaroo.
At the "please tell me this is some kid's homework" end of the scale is riverwalkguide.com, the homepage intro of which begins thus:
"Welcome to the San Antonio River Walk Guide. Your guide to everything along the River Walk and the Downtown San Anotnio area. "
So we start with a sentence fragment and a typo? Fabulous! I would be generous and assume the latter is intended to pick up search results from a mis-typed keyword were it not for the fact that the site has more errors, grammatical inaccuracies and flat-out oversights than should be legal for a promotional communication.
Fiesta survival tips: "From what to wear, where to park, its al its all here."
The River Walk Planner: "Create your very own River Walk Plan. Browse the San Antonio River Walk and nver lose track of where you plan to stay, places to see, and much more Get Stared Now!"
In an attempt at personalization, the site includes functionality to allow visitors to create an itinerary. However, the developers' coding and database skills only go so far, as is evident from this warning at registration:
"DO NOT FORGET YOUR PASSWORD - You can not retrieve your password and we can not recover it for you. Sorry, just please don't forget."
Best page on the site, though, is "Top 10 things to bring to San Antonio." Extra kudos for the warning to bring antacid ("this is so you can enjoy San Antonio’s spicy Tex-Mex food and tangy margaritas without grief") and the caveat that cash machines may try to rip you off ("Save money by not having to use the ATM’s").
The final tip on this page:
"10) Sun Block because if your not use to the South Texas Sun"
Oh, but I'm not use! What will happen to me?
Copyeditor General's ruling: Someone desperately needs to mess with Texas. Or at least San Antonio. Or at least riverwalkguide.com.
Oh, style guide bonus: the editors should figure out whether they're promoting the River Walk or the Riverwalk or the RiverWalk.
Wednesday
Websites will not be (d'oh!) under construction
Forgive me for turning this into "When I am Usability-Guy General" for a while, but I just saw the website for The Simpsons Movie.
Given that the film opens in 15 days, and that the publicity machine is already cranking at full speed, is it crazy to expect that the promotional website would be ready? *
The site has a very cute tool for creating your own avatar: how you would look if you lived in the Simpson's universe. And then you can explore Springfield, visiting the town hall, the Kwik-E-Mart and the Simpsons' home.
Here I am at Moe's Tavern. I think Homer likes me.
But hold on a moment: I should say you will be able to explore Springfield one day. For now, you can only get as far as the bar (oh, just like real life!). Everything else is unfinished.
The same is true for the "About the film" section: the only info currently available is a two-sentence synopsis that doesn't tell us anything we don't already know (Homer is stupid! The movie is animated! It's based on a TV show!). The "cast and crew" and "production notes" sections are either not written or, more likely, are still going through the legal/approval process.
Mobile and partnership info? Also coming soon.
Now, I'm sure that most of the audience for this movie won't notice or care about such things. There are trailers and games and downloads enough that a few non-functioning pages can be forgiven.
Not by me, though. And not, I'm sure, by usability guru Jakob Nielsen, whose 1994 Web Usability Study found this:
Users distinctly disliked seeing "under construction" markers. As one user put it, "either the information is there or it is not; don't waste my time with information you are not giving me." Users were particularly aggravated when they had linked to a page only to find that it was under construction. One user said "At least give me something for going to the page; don't put it out there if it is not working."
And that was written way back in the Internet's Dark Ages--you know, when The Simpsons was funny.
Copyeditor General's ruling: simpsonsmovie.com is a high-profile marketing tool, produced for a major corporation to promote a globally recognized brand. The least they could do is show a little professionalism.
Mmm ... professionalism ...
*And yes, I do assume that this is a temporary issue, and that this post will be redundant within a few days. At least I hope so.
Edit: The movie has now been released, and the previously unavailable areas are now all working. Except one.
Given that the film opens in 15 days, and that the publicity machine is already cranking at full speed, is it crazy to expect that the promotional website would be ready? *
The site has a very cute tool for creating your own avatar: how you would look if you lived in the Simpson's universe. And then you can explore Springfield, visiting the town hall, the Kwik-E-Mart and the Simpsons' home.
Here I am at Moe's Tavern. I think Homer likes me.
But hold on a moment: I should say you will be able to explore Springfield one day. For now, you can only get as far as the bar (oh, just like real life!). Everything else is unfinished.
The same is true for the "About the film" section: the only info currently available is a two-sentence synopsis that doesn't tell us anything we don't already know (Homer is stupid! The movie is animated! It's based on a TV show!). The "cast and crew" and "production notes" sections are either not written or, more likely, are still going through the legal/approval process.
Mobile and partnership info? Also coming soon.
Now, I'm sure that most of the audience for this movie won't notice or care about such things. There are trailers and games and downloads enough that a few non-functioning pages can be forgiven.
Not by me, though. And not, I'm sure, by usability guru Jakob Nielsen, whose 1994 Web Usability Study found this:
Users distinctly disliked seeing "under construction" markers. As one user put it, "either the information is there or it is not; don't waste my time with information you are not giving me." Users were particularly aggravated when they had linked to a page only to find that it was under construction. One user said "At least give me something for going to the page; don't put it out there if it is not working."
And that was written way back in the Internet's Dark Ages--you know, when The Simpsons was funny.
Copyeditor General's ruling: simpsonsmovie.com is a high-profile marketing tool, produced for a major corporation to promote a globally recognized brand. The least they could do is show a little professionalism.
Mmm ... professionalism ...
*And yes, I do assume that this is a temporary issue, and that this post will be redundant within a few days. At least I hope so.
Edit: The movie has now been released, and the previously unavailable areas are now all working. Except one.
Saturday
Apostrophe on the stand again
Evidence against the accused comes from a Craigslist posting.
Yes, your honor, I'm aware the source means it may be inadmissable in court.
Craigslist is an oversized community bulletin board where anyone can post anything (case in point, my favorite listing ever, from the 18+ Casual Encounters section: "Man with duck fetish seeks lady with duck costume").
But one would still expect a more careful eye to detail, given the listing's origin:
Yes, your honor, I'm aware the source means it may be inadmissable in court.
Craigslist is an oversized community bulletin board where anyone can post anything (case in point, my favorite listing ever, from the 18+ Casual Encounters section: "Man with duck fetish seeks lady with duck costume").
But one would still expect a more careful eye to detail, given the listing's origin:
The Christian Science Monitor is re-launching it's web site, www.csmonitor.com. We have an exciting opporutnity for a Web Designer!
(Note the bonus typo.)
Now, I know the Monitor, and it's rare to see a glitch in the copy. The newspaper has a reputation for striving for excellence as well as for editorial neutrality.
Could they be taking a Jeffersonian position on the matter?
In Made in America, Bill Bryson writes: "Jefferson always wrote it's for the possessive form of it, a practice that now looks decidedly illiterate. In fact, there was some logic to it. As a possessive form, the argument went, its required an apostrophe in exactly the same way as did words like children's or men's. Others contended, however, that on certain common words like ours or yours it was customary to dispense with the apostrophe, and that its belonged in this camp. By about 1815, the non-apostrophists had their way almost everywhere, but in 1776, it was a fine point, and one to which Jefferson clearly did not subscribe" (p. 43).
Is this the case here? Only the Monitor knows for sure.
Anyway, I've been rethinking my stand on the banishment of the apostrophe, especially as there are loyal lovers of punctuation struggling to keep it alive. The Apostrophe Protection Society, under the stewardship of retired journalist John Richards, collects examples of its misuse for all the world to see.
And over at Flickr, there's a whole pool of apostrophic crimes in which to wade.
So while flagrant misuse of this punctuation perturbes me, I'll consider rescinding my previous ruling. As long as there are bands of guerrilla grammaticians out there, working to promote the apostrophe's correct use, I shall allow myself to dream of a world in which even national newspapers can get it right.
Tuesday
The apostrophe will not exist
Heretical, no? But here's the thing: it has become quite clear to me that most people have no idea when to use it--not with the letters i-t-s, not with plurals, not with possession. So I think it will just be easier if we do away with the pesky thing altogether. Much easier than trying to educate people in its correct use.
For instance:
The next example was on display at a Pawtucket Red Sox concession window--right out in view of families and young children and everything.
It kills me that they knew to add a tilde to jalapeños, but not to treat a plural noun ending in a vowel in the same way as any other noun (peanuts they got right; fries is irregular anyway). Actually, there can't have been even that level of logic, otherwise it would be jalapeño's.
I suspect that my argument for dispensing with the apostrophe will find favor in the halls of government. There are people in power already proudly promoting its irrelevance. Like Michael McGlynn, Mayor of the City of Medford, Mass:
Ruling of the Copyeditor General: It is time to bid farewell to the apostrophe. Because if you people cannot play nicely with it, you should not be allowed to use it at all.
For instance:
The next example was on display at a Pawtucket Red Sox concession window--right out in view of families and young children and everything.
It kills me that they knew to add a tilde to jalapeños, but not to treat a plural noun ending in a vowel in the same way as any other noun (peanuts they got right; fries is irregular anyway). Actually, there can't have been even that level of logic, otherwise it would be jalapeño's.
I suspect that my argument for dispensing with the apostrophe will find favor in the halls of government. There are people in power already proudly promoting its irrelevance. Like Michael McGlynn, Mayor of the City of Medford, Mass:
Ruling of the Copyeditor General: It is time to bid farewell to the apostrophe. Because if you people cannot play nicely with it, you should not be allowed to use it at all.
Monday
Professionals will deserve the title
I'm signed up for a bunch of industry newsletters on email strategy, web usability, SEO, online marketing. Every day I spend a good chunk of time reading subject lines and buh-leating those that seem irrelevant (yes, the research is correct; that is how people make their email-opening decisions). That still leaves a hearty handful that get my complete attention.
And I guess, statistically speaking, some proportion of all commercial messages are bound to contain typos and grammatical errors.
So why is it especially noticeable--or at least more likely to get me riled up--when the mistakes come from communications professionals?
From MediaPost's Search Insider newsletter of June 22:
"At more then 44.3 million, the Hispanic population is the largest of the minority groups ..."
From Sean D'Souza's Psychotactics newsletter of June 26:
"So when someone is speaking, you need to listen to what they're saying in it's entirety. "
I must point out that both of the above titles are great resources (I invariably find a useful nugget in Sean's pieces). But when fundamental goofs like these catch my eye, I lose a little trust in the overall message.
How can I accept the credibility of the views of these experts if they haven't mastered the basics?
Copyeditor General's ruling: Professional communicators should take a look through their grammar books. Or at least have a diligent proofreader read their copy before hitting the "send" button.
And I guess, statistically speaking, some proportion of all commercial messages are bound to contain typos and grammatical errors.
So why is it especially noticeable--or at least more likely to get me riled up--when the mistakes come from communications professionals?
From MediaPost's Search Insider newsletter of June 22:
"At more then 44.3 million, the Hispanic population is the largest of the minority groups ..."
From Sean D'Souza's Psychotactics newsletter of June 26:
"So when someone is speaking, you need to listen to what they're saying in it's entirety. "
I must point out that both of the above titles are great resources (I invariably find a useful nugget in Sean's pieces). But when fundamental goofs like these catch my eye, I lose a little trust in the overall message.
How can I accept the credibility of the views of these experts if they haven't mastered the basics?
Copyeditor General's ruling: Professional communicators should take a look through their grammar books. Or at least have a diligent proofreader read their copy before hitting the "send" button.
Saturday
Daycare centers will have dictionaries
I'm on the mailing list for a local caterer/personal chef. While her emails are often informative--noting neighborhood farmers' markets, tasting nights, etc.--today's communication was promoting a fundraiser at her daughter's preschool.
The email marketing ethics (no, really, there are such things) of sending an non-business-related request for donations aside, what particularly struck me was the note about the raffle on the daycare center's website:
Copyeditor General's ruling: At birth, every child will be presented with a mandatory copy of the American Heritage Dictionary. If grown-ups can't get the hang of accurate spelling, what chance do children have?
The email marketing ethics (no, really, there are such things) of sending an non-business-related request for donations aside, what particularly struck me was the note about the raffle on the daycare center's website:
Copyeditor General's ruling: At birth, every child will be presented with a mandatory copy of the American Heritage Dictionary. If grown-ups can't get the hang of accurate spelling, what chance do children have?
Friday
Inaugural Deputy of the Week!
Someone signing himself "The last bastion," but with an email address suspiciously similar to that of my parents, submitted the following rant:
Basically, I'm actually really, really fed up.
I know the use of words like the above are not errors in the grammatical sense but their constant overuse makes me shout at the radio or tv so I miss the point of the discussion. Repeating words like lovely (that is a lovely, lovely dress) is the habit of gushing celebrity commentators and as such can be forgiven. What gets my goat is when hard-news readers and the like fall into the same lazy patterns or refer to children as "kids".
Do you yourself personally agree?
Yours in agreement,
The last bastion
How can I disagree with my dad? Okay, I've spent the last 30-ahem years doing so, but here he has a point. I'm sure CNN had higher grammatical standards back when it was a real news channel, but now there are typos on the ticker and high-school-level linguistic lapses.
At least now I know where I inherited the "shouting at the TV" gene.
Plus he's right about "I, personally ..."--that drives me nuts. As does "very unique," which crops up much more than it should.
Copyeditor General's ruling: People should think before they speak. Especially if they have news-anchor hair.
And yay to my dad for being the inaugural Deputy of the Week! Send me your personal goat-getters and I'll give you ranting space, too!
I should come up with some kind of shiny badge, shouldn't I?
Basically, I'm actually really, really fed up.
I know the use of words like the above are not errors in the grammatical sense but their constant overuse makes me shout at the radio or tv so I miss the point of the discussion. Repeating words like lovely (that is a lovely, lovely dress) is the habit of gushing celebrity commentators and as such can be forgiven. What gets my goat is when hard-news readers and the like fall into the same lazy patterns or refer to children as "kids".
Do you yourself personally agree?
Yours in agreement,
The last bastion
How can I disagree with my dad? Okay, I've spent the last 30-ahem years doing so, but here he has a point. I'm sure CNN had higher grammatical standards back when it was a real news channel, but now there are typos on the ticker and high-school-level linguistic lapses.
At least now I know where I inherited the "shouting at the TV" gene.
Plus he's right about "I, personally ..."--that drives me nuts. As does "very unique," which crops up much more than it should.
Copyeditor General's ruling: People should think before they speak. Especially if they have news-anchor hair.
And yay to my dad for being the inaugural Deputy of the Week! Send me your personal goat-getters and I'll give you ranting space, too!
I should come up with some kind of shiny badge, shouldn't I?
Wednesday
Libraries will stay above the belt
I have a theory that cities attempting to reinvent themselves follow an almost formulaic pattern of investment in tourism. It begins with an aquarium (on the reinvigorated waterfront where applicable). Then there's a modern art museum, done in steel and glass if they can't get Gehry. And then, to illustrate liberalism and openness, a museum of erotic history appears.
There's one in Amsterdam, natch. And also in Paris, New York, Frankfurt, Berlin, Barcelona and London.
(I'm not giving you links. This is a respectable blog, mostly. Go find them yourself.)
Anyway, my point is that these new tourist attractions are largely unnecessary, because there are hundreds--nay, thousands--of libraries throughout the world already offering similar services.
At least that's how it appears, according to my research.
Copyeditor General's ruling: Librarians really need to proof their websites more carefully.
There's one in Amsterdam, natch. And also in Paris, New York, Frankfurt, Berlin, Barcelona and London.
(I'm not giving you links. This is a respectable blog, mostly. Go find them yourself.)
Anyway, my point is that these new tourist attractions are largely unnecessary, because there are hundreds--nay, thousands--of libraries throughout the world already offering similar services.
At least that's how it appears, according to my research.
Copyeditor General's ruling: Librarians really need to proof their websites more carefully.
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